Friday, December 6, 2013

RIP Nelson Mandela

One of the great honors of my life was to be invited to Nelson Mandela's home, spend private time and get to know him. He was everything you've ever heard and more – humble and unscathed by bitterness. And he always loved to tell a good joke. Being in his presence was like sitting with grace and majesty at the same time.

He will always be my hero. His life was a gift to us all.- Oprah Winfrey

My heart is breaking with everybody in the world, yet I'm feeling so humbled and blessed to have been in the presence of this magnificent soul..arguably the greatest hero ever to grace us. His sacrifice & gift to the world are incomprehensible. RIP Mandela - Mariah Carey

What is Life! An existence for Living! ‪#‎Mandela‬ you are a ‪#‎Hero‬ not because they chant your name but because you truly understood this. You stood up when it was not fashionable to. You endured the ‪#‎Hate‬ the ‪#‎Taunts‬ ... You saw the essence... You saw humanity, you saw freedom... You loved Life for all... Even if it would cost yours! You conquered . You are Mandiba, THE TRUE HUMAN LIFE. Adio! Thank you Lord for this GIFT. - Omotola Jalade Ekeinde

R.I.P. Nelson Mandela...may your principles of love be the guiding light for future generations.
 - Kim Kardashian

"Let us pause and give thanks for the fact that Nelson Mandela lived—a man who took history in his hands and bent the arc of the moral universe toward justice." —President Obama


Thursday, December 5, 2013

Tips on how to become a top model 3

This post is part of a series written by a guest blogger, do visit their blog  andise globals

  • Body Parts Models
An area not usually thought about for newcomers, but it is a very relevant sector of the industry. The most common body parts tend to be hair, eyes, lips, hands, legs and feet, which are used to promote many products in print and TV.You will need to have exceptionally well proportioned body parts and know how to
look after them. This is definitely an area within modeling that’s worth considering as it can prove to be surprisingly profitable.
  • TV Commercials
Modeling in TV commercials does not have any overall criteria for height, size and age, as each commercial requires someone different and specific to that job. It is usually necessary to have some acting ability, but this can be natural ability or learned. There are many different types of TV commercials, ranging from the highly stylized photographic, to the performance led reality style. The great advantage in TV commercials for a
model is that brands are continuously seeking models, which the general public can easily identify with. This opens up the doors to almost everyone, who feels that they have what it takes to work in this sector. Typically those represented by a model or actors agency have a better chance of appearing in TV commercials.
  • Real Life Models (People Models) and TV/Film Extras
If you like the idea of modeling, but do not fit into the above categories, then this could be for you. Real life models are used in advertising or corporate campaigns, when companies are looking to represent the everyday person. As a TV/Film Extra you will generally be non-featured (no speaking parts) and in the
background of a scene. This can be fun and interesting to be part of, but it can also be long hours with lots of waiting around. The benefits are that if you are flexible with your days, it can be a good way to supplement your income.


Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Stop domestic violence

Sorry about my prolonged absence from my blog. Its a really long story. While I was on sabbatical something happened that changed me. A very good friend of mine was abused by her husband and he almost killed her. This experience brought close to home grave injustice that is called domestic violence. I was so flipping mad when it happened that I put her husband on blast by plastering his number all over the Internet and encouraged people to tell him not to kill his wife.

This terrifying made me open my eyes and ears to this menace of domestic abuse. Dubbed the 'indoor killer', its experienced by so many people of all races ,all over the world. People lend your voice to this crime against humanity .Don't let the victim become a corpse , because it could be your sister, mother, daughter, best friend, cousin or even you, yes you!

If you are in Lagos, Nigeria you can contact
The office of the public defender
2/8 Iyun road,
Barrack bus stop,

130 Ikorodu road
Their services are 100% free

Also you can get in touch with

Project Alert ( An ngo on violence against women)

21, Akinsanya street,
Off Isheri road,
Taiwo street,
(behind FRSC)
Ojodu berger Lagos
234-1-8209387, 08052004698, 08180091072

If you are in Abuja, you can also reach project alert at

26, Bamenda street,
Off Abidjan street,
Wuse zone 3


Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Crazy Sales! Buy 2 get 1 FREE!!!

Check out the CRAZY SALES happening at our retail store.
Come and take advantage of this opportunity, sales is on ALL items.
Women's dresses, tops, shoes, handbags, jewellery , leggings , jeans and lots more.
Clothing sizes 8-20, shoes 37-42.

Peggyz Place,
Pinky blue mall,
Shop 4, 21b Idowu Martins str,
Victoria island,
Lagos, Nigeria


Sunday, August 25, 2013

Natural hair styles

As a naturalista i am always on the lookout for fantastic hair do's,
Check out more hairstyles HERE

Saturday, August 24, 2013

Tips on how to become a Top model 2

This post is part of a series written by a guest blogger, do visit their blog andise globals

Can I Be a Model?

New models often ask themselves whether they have what it takes to become a model .You are likely to hear that to be a model you need to be beautiful, tall and slender with perfect proportions. Now this is
certainly true for high fashion models, where designers want one type of model that they feel shows off their designs in the best way.

However, if you do not fit this criteria, don’t despair as there are many other areas that you can work in successfully and lucratively as a model. The modeling industry needs all different shapes and sizes. It ranges from the models who are required for the runways of Paris and Milan to those being seen in the background of TV commercials. You need to find the right fit for you and your place in the industry. To help you with this we have listed the different types of modeling work that’s available and the criteria for each, and as with most things in life there are always exceptions.

  • High Fashion
When you see the incredibly tall and lean figures that grace the runways and editorials for the leading fashion houses and designers, these are the High Fashion models. They are generally required to be between
172cm to 180cm (5”8 to 5”11),
4-6 US (6-8 UK)

34 bust size.
Age 14 to 25.
Ages 16 to 40's
180cm to 188cm (5”11 to 6”2),
chest size of 94cm to 106cm (37” to 42”) and 76cm to 81cm
(30” to 32”) waist

Men tend to have longer careers if they look after themselves.

  • Editorial Print
This is modeling for magazine editorials and covers such as Vogue, Elle etc. The standard requirements for these models are similar to those in High Fashion and you must be very photogenic Quite often the same models will work in both Editorial Print and High Fashion. These editorials provide great exposure for
models even though the fees earned are sometimes relatively low. This is normal and it can take a few years to gain the experience needed to get the bigger paying jobs.

Thursday, August 8, 2013

Happy birthday daddy

Happy birthday papa,
Wishing you many more prosperous years.

In Jerusalem on pilgrimage

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Peggyz Place store

Do you want fabulous stuff at affordable prices?


If you live in Nigeria, you can visit our brick and mortar store or visit us online to buy your very affordable women's dresses, tops, jeans, leggings, skirts, trousers, jewelery and accessories.
Working hours are between 10 to 6pm, Mondays to Fridays.

Our complimentary services include free styling as well as home or office deliveries.

Visit us today at
Peggyz Place
Pinky blue mall,
Shop 4, 21b Idowu martins street,
Victoria Island,
adjacent megaplaza, beside lepicerie, on top of kodak and mothercare

Do tell a friend to tell a friend, thanks!

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Tips on how to become a Top model

This post is part of a 3 part series by a guest blogger , do check out their blog  andise globals

As a newcomer into the modeling world or an established model you need advice from time to time .
This is a 3 part series that would ensure you are at the top of your game in no time.

What are the career expectations of a model?

Becoming a model is the dream of every young girl or boy who craves fashion,designer clothes, glamor, being center stage and traveling the world.If you are determined to pursue a professional modelling career, and you feel that you have what it takes, there are a few key things to keep in mind when you decide to take that crucial step onto the catwalk

  • Time and Dedication
Building your modeling career and portfolio takes time, effort and dedication. A model must be strong-
minded and resilient to navigate the chaotic waters of the fashion industry.

  • Confidence and a strong-will
This the best assets of self defense in this high-paced, ever evolving and fiercely competitive modeling world.
  • Professional attitude
If you want a successful modeling career, being professional is one of the most important things when working on a photo shoot. However, a fashion shoot consists more than just of a series of poses. You
have to be prepared to withstand long hours with fashion designers or in a photo studio, while keeping a positive and helpful attitude. Nobody wants to work with a model who makes the job more difficult with negativity or ego.

Where In The World Am I?

While being a model and having a modeling career has its rewards, one of the pitfalls of the industry is its nomadic quality; a model must be willing to move cities at a drop of a hat. This often results in the feeling of loneliness and the feeling of being out of touch with ones family. Enjoy The Ride. If you want to succeed in the modelling business you have to put your heart and mind into it. However, keep in mind that the professional cycle of a model is extremely short lived. So enjoy this exclusive and extraordinary race by living
it passionately, but don’t forget to take pleasure on what comes next after you’ve crossed the finish line.

Monday, August 5, 2013

The best expensive beauty products

If you could afford it, would you indulge yourself in these pricy products?

  Azature Black Diamond Nail Polish: $250,000

 Each bottle has a single black diamond in it, interesting.....

 Orogold 24K Nano Night Recovery - $3,000

 It has a high amount of nano gold that absorbs more efficiently into the skin due to its smaller size ,making your skin look younger and tighter.

Cleu du peau 'La Crème'- $13,000

It has extravagant lifting and tightening effects


Sunday, August 4, 2013

8 Natural Anti-Aging Secrets From Asia


1. We drink tons of green tea. Green tea is a powerhouse when it comes to health benefits. Packed with antioxidants and metabolism-boosting properties amongst many other health benefits – it is a must for every diet.

2. Soy is a huge part of our diets. Plant based proteins are all the rage at the moment, but we have been eating soy-based for millenniums. Miso, tofu, edamame and soy sauce… all are delicious and healthy alternatives to spice up your dinner table.

3. We get moving. In metropolitan and crowded cities like Hong Kong, the super efficient public transportation often beats driving your own car. This means a lot more walking on a daily basis, which is definitely a healthy habit to keep that waistline slim!

4. The sun is not our friend. I’ll admit, some of us are pretty extreme about staying out of the sun: we carry umbrellas and wear hats with UV face shield protection on sunny days. Though this may be a bit more conscious than necessary for some, the lesson learned is that we are absolutely religious about skincare and sunscreen. The sun in all its beauty is unfortunately the culprit to aging and skin cancer if measures are not taken, so slather on that SPF!

5. Dessert is usually just fresh fruit. Contrary to our western counterparts, dessert for us is usually fresh fruits. If we want to get fancy, most Asian desserts are fruit, nut or tofu based. This radically reduces your caloric consumption, though a piece of cake is divine in moderation!

6.  We love ginger. In stir-fry, in soups, in tea – we love our ginger. It stimulates circulation, improves the immune system and is even an aphrodisiac.

7. Our dairy intake is very minimal. Dairy is quite minimal for the standard Asian diet. There are plenty of reasons why we should ditch dairy, one most obvious is that milk was made to turn a 100-pound baby calf to a full-blown 1,000-pound adult cow. Now I don’t know about you, but that’s very eye-opening for me!

8. Chinese medicine teaches us to heal from within. While typical western medicine usually provides an immediate cure with pharmaceutical drugs, Chinese medicine has ingrained in us that health needs to be improved from the roots. Instead of providing drugs that may instantly conceal the problem and take away the symptoms, we often opt for long-term internal healing soups and medicine. This mindset is a huge factor in our health, as we listen and focus on our bodies more often!

Saturday, August 3, 2013

Best of Both Worlds networking event by Ariyike Akinbobla

The Best of Both Worlds networking event
Date ;Wednesday, 7th of August @ Troy Lounge (next to Oriental hotel) Victoria Island, Lagos
Time ; from 6.30pm - 10.00pm. (No African time).
It's also Yemmy Brown's birthday party at BOBW so it's gonna be a night of fun!!!                                       

Fashion exhibition by:                                   
*Taibat Bello of Classietabbie's creations             
*Omolegho Ehimaka of Five Fingers couture

*SLK(Laff therapy)

Music by: 
*Tony Torch
*Seun Sticks
*ENT Family
*Yung Page
*Kryptic Kidz
*Rasheed CMC
*And we also have a beautiful female artist coming to perform all the way from Cameroon, her name is MUSEBA
+ A Surprise appearance/performance from one of Africa's biggest stars :x

*Open mic

DJ Big N will be jamming for the night. 

Guest Judges to speak after the performances:
*On air TV Personality, S'Dot of Soundcity/Spice TV
*On air TV/Radio Personality, the beautiful Shine of Cool 96.9 F.m
*Segun Ake, CEO of Canbit Music

Mr Selecta Agbaje, the CEO of Posh 9ja Magazine will be there to talk about his Posh 9ja Youth initiative.

Dress code: On point! (The best dressed female will go home with lots of beautiful pressies)

Hosted by: Ariyike Akinbobola and MC Prince of Naija Info

Supported by:
Bellanaija, Insignia Media, Ontv, Channels Tv, Nigezie, Ebony Life Tv, Good Morning Africa on Afmag, Islanders Magazine,, Island News, Posh 9ja magazine, 1705 Productions, BITL Networks, Film connect, Gallant studios,, City People magazine, Whatzhotmag. 

For Sponsorship details, pls call my manager Mr Adebayo on 08187447878
or send an email to
You can also follow us on twitter @Bobw_worlds or me @LadyAriyike

Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Chizy's Spyware second edition with Munachi Abii

Chizy's Spyware is a fashion & lifestyle Magazine for the modern day African woman

We sometimes forget to be thankful for the ever bright weather enjoyed in this part of the world, so in this edition, we are celebrating the daily sunshine by splashing our cover girl and models with colors, sequins and other embellishment. We hope this edition serves as inspiration for your next shopping spree. It gets more interesting on page 42 as young African men answer questions most women secretly ponder about. You won't want to miss page 39 where DJ Jam Jam (Oyibo Swagger) talks about his experience in Nigeria; including the girls, the food and much more.
The magazine is available for purchase in Nigeria, in some UK stores and available for online download and subscription at  for those who are unable to buy the hard copy.  


photography: Paul Ukonu
Styling: Sharon Ojong
Clothing: Total Wrap Boutique
Makeup: Chichi (Faceville Makeovers)
Q & A With


Q: Who was your first male crush?

A: Michael Jackson

Q: What was you nickname as a child?

A: Ochonma.

Q: When was the last time you took public transport?

A:  Last year, but it was a cab

 Q: When was the last time you said “do you know who I am”?

A: I never have

Q: The beauty product you cannot do without?

A: Lux

Q: The Perfect holiday for you would be?

A: A holiday in Maldives Island with my loved ones.

Q: I feel sexiest dressed in?

A: High heels

Q: Waking up early to me means?

A: 9:00am

B: 11:00am

C: 5:30am  

D: 7:00am

Chizy Spyware: Your fans have noticed your wardrobe change recently; do you have a new stylist?

Munachi Abii: Yes I do, Sharon Ojong is my new stylist

Chizy Spyware: What do you miss about not being a celebrity?

Munachi Abii: I do not consider myself a celebrity; I am just a regular person.

You are all invited to

The unveiling party of the magazine is being hosted by the 'Industry Night' team and supported by Soundcity.

Come party with us, entry is free and free copies of the next edition of our magazine would be given out. Be RED CARPET & CAMERA ready, dress to impress...

Hosted by INDUSTRY NITE, Supported by SOUNDCITY TV

'   Get Arena' Lekki, Lagos ,Nigeria (opposite Oriental hotel)

           Date; Wednesday the 31st of July 2013
           time; 10pm

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Small business tips ; Grow your business

Are you are out of your depth ?

 A lot of times, especially early on in our businesses, we look for clients in the wrong places.
 Make sure you are talking to your ideal client, and not just anybody who may need what you offer, but may not be able to afford it.

Other tips to grow your small business are
  1. Prepare a detailed profile of your  ideal client , it would give you a clearer picture of even your own business and then search for people who fit the bill.  
  2. Make your services easy to use and also easily accessible
  3. Have a healthy social media presence , start with the basics, facebook , twitter, instagram ,pinterest and LinkedIn amongst others
  4. Strive to improve people’s lives through better service, innovation and value.
  5. Know your mission and let your business live by it
  6. Get the basic structure right from the very beginning
  7. Build strong relationships with such suppliers,vendors, financiers and business associates generally
  8. Truly listen to your customers , find out what they want and give it to them!

Monday, July 29, 2013

Plus sized print dresses

I would so rock these,
Looking hot while being plus sized can be a little tricky,
I am always on the look out for styles ,colors and trends that flatter me,
Which is your fave?

Saturday, July 27, 2013

Leather outfits

Leather is one of the hottest trends this season,
Are you adventurous enough to try them?

Friday, July 26, 2013

16 Ways I Blew My Marriage

16 Ways I Blew My Marriage (By Dan Peace

You know what blows big time?

The other night I was sitting with my family, most of whom are very successfully married. We were going in a circle giving our best marriage advice to my little sister on the eve of her wedding. It’s somewhat of a family tradition.

But that’s not what blows. What really blows is that I realized I don’t have any good marriage advice to give. After all, I’ve never had a successful marriage out of the two marriages I did have.

And so, when it was my turn, I just made a joke about divorce and how you should always remember why you loved your spouse when you first met her so that when times get tough, you can find someone new that is just like she was.

There were a couple courtesy giggles, but overall my humor wasn’t welcome in such a beautifully building ring of profunidity.

They finished round one, and for some reason started into another round. And that’s when I realized. Hey. I don’t have marriage advice to give, but I have plenty of “keep your marriage from ending” advice (two equivocally different things), and that might be almost as good.

It eventually came to me again, and what I said would have been such great advice if I were a tenth as good at saying things as I was at writing them.

And so, that night, I sat down and wrote out my “advice list” for my little sister. You know… things I wish I would have known or done differently so that I didn’t end up divorced (twice). After writing it, I thought maybe I’d share it with all of you, too.

I call it my “Ways I Blew My Marriage” list. Also, for the list’s sake, I am just going to refer to “her” instead of “them” even though they almost all were true in both marriages.


When I first dated the woman I ended up marrying, I always held her hand. In the car. While walking. At meals. At movies. It didn’t matter where. Over time, I stopped. I made up excuses like my hand was too hot or it made me sweat or I wasn’t comfortable with it in public. Truth was, I stopped holding hands because I stopped wanting to put in the effort to be close to my wife. No other reason.

IF I COULD HAVE A DO-OVER: I’d hold her hand in the car. I’d hold her hand on a star. I’d hold her hand in a box. I’d hold her hand with a fox. And I’d hold her hand everywhere else, too, even when we didn’t particularly like each other for the moment.

BONUS! When you hold hands in the winter, they don’t get cold. True story.

2. Don’t stop trying to be attractive.

Obviously when I was working to woo her, I would do myself up as attractively as I possibly could every time I saw her. I kept perfectly groomed. I always smelled good. I held in my farts until she wasn’t around. For some reason, marriage made me feel like I could stop doing all that. I would get all properly groomed, smelling good, and dressed up any time we went out somewhere or I went out by myself, but I rarely, if ever, cared about making myself attractive just for her.

IF I COULD HAVE A DO-OVER: I’d try and put my best foot forward throughout our entire marriage. I’d wait to fart until I was in the bathroom whenever possible. I’d make myself desirable so that she would desire me.

BONUS! when you trim your man hair, guess what. She returns the favor.

3. Don’t always point out her weaknesses.

For some reason, somewhere along the way, I always ended up feeling like it was my place to tell her where she was weak and where she could do better. I sure as heck didn’t do that while we were dating. No, when I dated her I only built her up, only told her how amazing she was, and easily looked past all of her flaws. After we got married though, she sometimes couldn’t even cook eggs without me telling her how she might be able to improve.

IF I COULD HAVE A DO-OVER: I wouldn’t say a damned thing about anything that I thought could use improvement. I’ve learned since my marriage ended that there is more than one right way to do most things, and that the imperfections of others are too beautiful to try and change.

BONUS! when you tell her what she’s doing right, she’ll tell you what you’re doing right. And she’ll also tell her friends. And her family. And the dentist. And even strangers on the street.

4. Don’t stop cooking for her.

I knew how to woo a girl, for sure. And the ticket was usually a night in, cooking a nice meal and having a romantic evening. So why is it then, that I didn’t do that for her after we got married? Sure, I’d throw some canned soup in the microwave or fry up some chimichangas once in a while, but I rarely if ever went out of my way to sweep her off her feet after we were married by steaming crab legs, or making fancy pasta, or setting up a candlelit table.

IF I COULD HAVE A DO-OVER: I’d make it a priority to cook for her, and only her, something awesome at least every month. And I’d remember that meat in a can is never awesome.

BONUS! candlelit dinners often lead to candlelit bow chica bow-wow.

5. Don’t yell at your spouse.

I’m not talking about the angry kind of yelling. I’m talking about the lazy kind of yelling. The kind of yelling you do when you don’t want to get up from your television show or you don’t want to go ALL THE WAY UPSTAIRS to ask her if she’s seen your keys. It really doesn’t take that much effort to go find her, and yelling (by nature) sounds demanding and authoritative.

IF I COULD HAVE A DO-OVER: I’d try to go find her anytime I needed something or wanted to know something, and I’d have both gratitude and manners when I did. I always hated when she would yell to me, so why did I always feel it was okay to yell to her?

BONUS! sometimes you catch her doing something cute that you would have missed otherwise.

6. Don’t call names.

I always felt I was the king of not calling names, but I wasn’t. I may not have called her stupid, or idiot, or any of the other names she’d sometimes call me, but I would tell her she was stubborn, or that she was impossible, or that she was so hard to deal with. Names are names, and calling them will drive bigger wedges in communication than just about anything else.

IF I COULD HAVE A DO-OVER: Any time it got to the point that I wanted to call names, I’d call a time-out and come back to it later. Or better yet, I’d call her names, but they’d be names like “super sexy” or “hotness.

7. Don’t be stingy with your money.

As the main bread earner, I was always so stingy with the money. I’d whine about the cost of her shampoo or that she didn’t order water at restaurants, or that she’d spend so much money on things like pedicures or hair dye jobs. But seriously. I always had just as many if not more things that I spent my money on, and in the end, the money was spent, we were just fine, and the only thing my bitching and moaning did was bring undo stress to our relationship.

IF I COULD HAVE A DO-OVER: I’d tell her I trusted her to buy whatever she wanted, whenever she felt like she needed it. And then, I’d actually trust her to do it.
BONUS! sometimes she will make bad purchase decisions, which leads to makeup purchase she felt liLike that new gadget you’ve had your eyes on.

8. Don’t argue in front of the kids.

There was never any argument that was so important or pressing that we couldn’t wait to have it until the kids weren’t there. I don’t think it takes a rocket scientist or super-shrink to know why fighting in front of the kids is a dangerous and selfish way of doing things.

IF I COULD HAVE A DO-OVER: I would never, ever, not even once fight in front of the kids, no matter how big or how small the issue was. I’d maybe make a code word that meant, “not with the kids here.”

BONUS! when you wait to fight, usually you both realize how stupid or unimportant the fight was and the fight never happens.

10. Don’t poop with the bathroom door open.

I don’t know why, but at some point I started thinking it was okay to poop with the bathroom door open, and so did she. First of all, it’s gross. Second of all, it stinks everything up. Third of all, there is literally no way to make pooping attractive, which means that every time she saw me do it, she, at least in some little way, would have thought I was less attractive.

IF I COULD HAVE A DO-OVER: I’d shut the damn door and poop in private.

BONUS! when she does think of your naked body, she’s not going to be thinking about it in a grunting/squatting position.

11. Don’t stop kissing her.

It always got to a point when I’d more or less stop kissing her. Usually it was because things were stressful and there was tension in our relationship, and so I’d make it worse by refusing to kiss her. This of course would lead to her feeling rejected. Which would of course lead to arguments about it. Other times I had my own issues with germs and whatnot.

IF I COULD HAVE A DO-OVER: I’d kiss her in the morning when she looked like people do in the morning. I’d kiss her at night when she’s had a long day. I’d kiss her any time I felt like she secretly wanted a kiss. And, I’d kiss her even when my germ issues kicked in.

BONUS! she feels loved when you kiss her. That’s bonus enough.

12. Don’t stop having fun together.

Age shouldn’t matter. Physical ability shouldn’t matter. Couples should never stop having fun with each other, and I really wish I wouldn’t have gotten into so many ruts in which we didn’t really go out and do anything. And, I’ve been around the block enough times to know that when the fun is missing, and the social part of life is missing, so also goes missing the ability to be fully content with each other.

IF I COULD HAVE A DO-OVER: I’d make a rule with her that we’d never stay home two weekends in a row.

BONUS! awesome stories and awesome memories come from doing awesome things. And so do cherished embarrassing moments.

13. Don’t pressure each other.

Pressuring each other about anything is always a recipe for resentment. I always felt so pressured to make more money. I always felt so pressured to not slip in my religion. I always felt so pressured to feel certain ways about things when I felt the opposite. And I usually carried a lot of resentment. Looking back, I can think of just as many times that I pressured her, so I know it was a two-way street.

IF I COULD HAVE A DO-OVER: I’d make it a point to celebrate the different views, opinions, and ways that she had of doing things. I’d find the beauty in differentiation, not the threat.

BONUS! authentic happiness becomes a real possibility. And so do authentic foot rubs.

14. Don’t label each other with negative labels.

Sometimes the easiest phrases to say in my marriage started with one of three things. Either, “you should have,” “you aren’t,” or “you didn’t.” Inevitably after each of those seemed to come something negative. And since when have negative labels ever helped anyone? They certainly never helped her. Or me. Instead, they seemed to make the action that sparked the label worsen in big ways.

IF I COULD HAVE A DO-OVER: I would learn to stop myself before saying any of those phrases, and then I’d switch them out for positive labels. Instead of “you should,” I’d say “you are great at.” Instead of saying “you aren’t,” I’d say “you are.” Instead of saying “you didn’t,” I’d say, “you did.” And then I’d follow it up with something positive.

BONUS! the noblest struggles become far more conquerable. And you don’t think or believe that you’re a schmuck, which is always nice.
15. Don’t skip out on things that are important to her.

It was so easy in marriage to veto so many of the things she enjoyed doing. My reasoning, “we can find things we both enjoy.” That’s lame. There will always be things she enjoys that I will never enjoy, and that’s no reason not to support her in them. Sometimes the only thing she needs is to know that I’m there.

IF I COULD HAVE A DO-OVER: I’d attend many more of the events that she invited me to. I would actively participate and not tell all the reasons why I’d do it differently or how it could be better or more fun or time better spent.

BONUS! go to something she knows you don’t enjoy and the gratitude gets piled on later that night, like whipped cream on a cheesecake.

16. Don’t emotionally distance yourself after a fight.

I never got to experience the power of make-up sex because any time my wife was mean or we got in a fight, I’d completely distance myself from her, usually for several days. Communication would shut down and I’d avoid contact at all cost. This never let things get worked out, and eventually after it had happened enough times I’d explode unnecessarily.

IF I COULD HAVE A DO-OVER: I’d let myself communicate my emotions and feelings more often, and I’d make sure that she knew I still loved her any time we had an ugly bout. Sure, we’d give each other some distance. But not days of distance.

BONUS! Fantastic make-up sex. Or at least that’s the theory.

I had lots more written out, but the list started getting super long so I’ll stop right there and maybe do a part 2. It’s amazing when you’ve had relationships end, just how much you learn and know you could have done differently, isn’t it?

My sister and her new husband will be amazing. Hopefully she’ll always be giving amazing marriage advice in the future and never have to hand out the “keep your marriage from ending” advice like I get to.